Losing

 Posted by on 2 decembrie 2012  Autocunoastere, Poezie
Dec 022012
 
Am facut o compilatie din cateva poezii (usor adaptate de mine) gasite pe Internet. Nu am retinut cui apartin. In orice caz, sunt amestecate versuri dintr-una cu cealalta si cu cateva fraze in plus.
Sunt despre frica de a pierde. Ce anume? Depinde de fiecare…ce are de pierdut.
I fight a war on too many fronts and am losing in every direction
opaque views of what I want and what is worth the mention
I don’t know what I’m doing, don’t know if it’s right or wrong,
But still I keep on trying.

I’ll keep on fighting and hope for the best, maybe in the end I’ll get some rest
When I’m dead and too far gone.

I’ve been playing perfect princess glittered-up to keep them guessing
Breaking my back and sweating daily to build a throne to lord it over
I was thinking, on a pedestal life would never let me down
I fell hard one day and wondered if it was really worth the work
I’ve been losing myself in pieces bits of fluff that swiftly scattered
Torn away by city wind tunnels and the terror of disappointment
All I have left are sticky feelings the worst bits that wouldn’t stray
All our time
Is it worth?…

Being spent on running away

As they say
Through the years…

I dream of the day

when I will find that place

that finally feels like home to me.

As I lay here dying, I look for a light
My heart it’s lived too long and now I am tired of feeling lost inside
I wish that I could fade this time and disappear.
It feels like I’ve lost control and everything is falling. Fast. So fast. Too fast for me to get it.
It’s time to remove the veil. Now…there is nothing left to do or nothing left to say
I am breathless and confused with it.
I notice that my voice has gone. A silent scream, no one can hear
All I am living now is profound fear.
My knees buckle and I taste the salt from my tears and I feel pain
My brain won’t work, I cant walk, I cant think,
How long was I here?
I am wasting my breath on tears and screams. So scared.
I am stuck. So deep. It’s like everything’s on pause and the dreams do not seem real anymore.
I am tired of being tired
because I do not sleep
instead I lay
or is it lie
and I am feeling dead because in my head I keep
every thought I’m sure I bought
within me, dark and deep.
I haven’t lived!
I have not lived!
a single day!

Do you know that feeling?
When you just can’t wait to get home?
When everything seems to be
crashing all around you?
When anything and everything you do is wrong?
And it seems like the whole world is against you?
I am facing  the darkness and I am unable to hide from it
it is a part of me now,
run as far as I want
no escape
Ask yourselves, what is the net emotional result of all your connections and loved ones? For when the certain hour arrives and you witness that accusatory feeling of ‘What have I done?’ your horrifying reply will be that you have done nothing to fulfill your needs and desires and passions.

The hour does ask you: ‘What do you feel at the end of it all?’ and your emotions search vainly for meaning and fulfillment, for in essence there never existed any meaning and fulfillment in your lives in the first place.

How do you know how pain really feels?
How do you know when that pain gets healed?
Is it a feeling that is built inside the brain?
If one could describe the feeling of pain on a page,
What distinguishes the feeling from good to bad?
Who knows the feelings that turn you from happy to sad?
What hurts?
What doesn’t?
How do you know?
People hurt.
People heal.
Where do you go?
Why does losing someone you care for, break your heart?

How irrational are my fears
Of losing love
Of being alone
When all around me
Are choices
Truth and beauty
New starts
And brighter
Tomorrows

The snow falls softly
On the darkened city
The streetlights twinkling
Like beacons
As I walk home
Thinking of warmth
Friendship
And connection

I feel as though I’m losing my head
I can’t breathe I can barely feel
I’m lost in a fog and I can’t find my way home
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore
I don’t know who I am
A part of me is gone and I can’t get it back.
All I am afraid of… is losing me. Totally. And forever.
But in the end, all I want to do is see myself smile again.
So, Hi! I’m lost.
Can you find me?
And give me back to myself?

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